


i won't have to say anything, you'll say it instead

by lifewasradical



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Fluff, I promise its not ACTUALLY angsty, Love Languages, M/M, New Year's Day, Oh that's a fun tag!, a tiny bit of angst, but like just because Luke doesn't know what Ashton is about to say, its just super soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28470291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/pseuds/lifewasradical
Summary: “It’s two sugars, right?” he asks, mixing in the spoonfuls before Ashton has a chance to answer. When he turns around, Ashton looks a bit awestruck, mixed with that same glisten from earlier. Luke knows now that the shine is love, even if they’re not at the place where they’re ready to say it yet. It’s enough to know that it’s there, right under the surface for when they’re actually ready to say it.Or, Luke wakes up alone on New Year's Day.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	i won't have to say anything, you'll say it instead

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FayeHunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeHunter/gifts).



> Based on a prompt from the lovely [Em](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayeHunter) "it's two sugars, right?". I'm on a roll of writing grossly sappy fics lately so stay tuned for many more short and sweet stories since I have far too many prompts in my Tumblr inbox right now!!
> 
> Title from: Pancakes for Dinner by Lizzy McAlpine

Luke wakes up on New Year’s Day alone. Normally that wouldn’t be something that he’s concerned about, but when you go to bed with someone sleeping next to you (or really, on top of you), you anticipate waking up with them in the morning. The other half of his bed is cold and the room is still covered by darkness, and indication of the early hour. 

Luke blinks at the alarm clock on the nightstand, red numbers burning “6:45” into his eyes, visible even after he closes them again. He pauses, waiting to hear if there’s any noise in the bathroom, any sounds to show that there’s someone else home with him. He waits, seconds passing slowly with no proof of life, just the humming of the heater, staticy in the back of his mind. 

The stale taste in his mouth reminds me that he should have brought water to bed with him, but 2020 Luke wasn’t as smart as 2021 Luke is. Luke resigns to getting out of bed, just for a little bit, to get water while he ponders the meaning of waking up alone after New Year’s Eve. His companion doesn’t have work today and he was intending on spending the whole day holed up under the duvet, clinging to the positivity of spending the first day of the year in his happy place, with the only person he wants to spend every morning with.

He slips into pajama pants and a hoodie that definitely does not belong to him and starts the trek down the hallway, mentally chastising himself for not stopping to put socks on. The cold hardwood floor chills his toes, pushing him to move faster to get his drink and return to the warmth. 

When he turns into the kitchen, he’s struck by the vision in front of him. He’s not alone, another body taking up residency against his countertop. It's dark, the sun still not even beginning to come out from below the horizon. The light over the kitchen sink is the only thing illuminating the space, with only just enough light to make out bodies and shapes, leaving the room cloaked in darkness. 

Luke walks up, slowly, not wanting to startle the body staring out into the distance in contemplation. He rounds the corner of the counter, taking in the sweatpant clad human in his kitchen, sipping water out of a plastic cup. 

“Did I wake you up?” Ashton asks, voice short and not turning around to even look in Luke’s direction. 

Luke is the one startled by the comment, not expecting to hear Ashton’s raspy sleep voice, especially sounding as formal as it does. He’s used to soft morning Ashton, whispering gentle good mornings to one another on the nights where they fall asleep together. He’s never once woken up alone in his few months with Ashton and especially never woken up to a cranky, direct Ashton. 

“No, I came in for water. Was feeling too dehydrated to sleep,” Luke replies, shrugging as he crosses the distance to the cabinet, taking out his own glass. He fills it with water, half expecting that Ashton’s attitude will have changed by the time that he finishes the cup. 

Luke is sadly mistaken when he turns around, holding the glass in his hands to a version of Ashton with his eyebrows furrowed, still staring out the kitchen window with unrecognizable determination. Luke wants to reach out and flatten the lines across his forehead, to give him a kiss and demand to know what’s wrong, but he thinks better of that idea. 

There’s a weird tension in the air, a heavy silence covering what could be a calm, relaxing morning. Luke isn’t sure if he’s done something wrong, something to warrant the slightly clipped tone to Ashton’s voice. This isn’t their first time sleeping over together, despite the fact that their relationship is all fairly new, just past the seemingly never ending honeymoon phase and into peaceful coexistence. 

Still, they’re not at the stage where they communicate freely, openly without worrying that the reaction will be negative. They’ve yet to have a big fight and there’s nothing in Luke’s immediate memory that could have resulted in any less than a perfect morning for the beginning of the year. He wants to ask what the issue is, but he doesn’t want to cross any lines that they haven’t spoken about yet, knowing that Ashton always tells Luke when it’s actually something of importance.

Luke pours another glass of water to have something to hold onto and sits at a barstool, tucking one of his feet under his leg for warmth. Part of him wants to ask Ashton to come back to bed, to cuddle up together and keep each other warm in the early morning light, maybe to talk about whatever is on his mind. The other part of him wants to wait it out, to see if Ashton will come out with his thoughts on his own, giving Luke another part of him to hold onto. 

In the end, Luke’s perseverance wins, because Ashton turns his body, coming around to look Luke dead in the eyes. He has a thoughtful look simmering behind his guarded gaze, glistening with something out of the ordinary that Luke can’t place. It sends a chill down Luke’s spine, enough to make him wrap his arms around himself in a way of protection. He levels with Ashton’s stare, not backing down from what seems to be a challenge. 

In the end, it’s not, because Ashton bows his head, placing his own cup of water down on the countertop. He takes a deep breath, looking at Luke for a moment, before flicking his eyes to either side, before landing back down on the counter. Luke doesn’t like the feeling of this situation, wanting nothing more than to go back upstairs, to restart the morning again fresh when the sun has risen and the birds are chirping. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately,” Ashton starts, lacing his fingers together in front of him. Luke audibly gulps, swallowing down the fear that he can’t help but feel. Those sentences never end well, though if Ashton is going to break up with him, he wishes he had done it before the New Year so Luke wouldn't have the tainted memory of a fresh year. 

“I don’t know how to say it though, like, I’ve been thinking about it a lot but I’m scared. It’s been a long time since I’ve had real feelings for anyone, so saying them out loud is too much. But also, not saying anything seems unfair to both of us, so it’s all a bit confusing.” 

Luke frowns, thoughts whirling in his head. This surely doesn’t sound like a breakup, not in the slightest. Still, he can’t figure where the conversation is going, not in the early hours of the morning. He wants to be sleeping right now, not decoding Ashton’s riddles. The part of him that’s yelling to go back to bed and deal with this again when it’s light out screams a little louder, leaving his body in the form of an ill timed yawn. 

“I don’t understand,” Luke says when Ashton doesn’t say anything else. 

Ashton sighs, shoulders slumping a little bit. “I don’t know, because there’s some words I want to use but I know I’m not ready for them yet, and I don’t think you are either. But Luke, I-- I want the mundane moments with you. I want to make breakfast for dinner, I want to take walks around the block just to watch the sun go down. I think about lounging on the couch with you watching shitty reality television while I’m at work, daydreaming about coming home to you at the end of the day. I find myself singing love songs in the shower, fitting you in with imaginary situations and always thinking ‘what would Luke do?’ when I’m making decisions.” 

Ashton pauses, taking a deep breath and looking down at the countertop. He traces a pattern on the granite, swirling around nothing. Luke waits, knowing that’s not the end of the rant.

He watches the way that Ashton’s hands shake a little bit, the combination of nerves and anxiety mixing together for an awful physical response. Luke reaches out across the countertop before he can even register what he’s doing, intertwining his fingers with Ashton’s. The shaking stops almost immediately, Ashton glancing up at Luke with the smallest ghost of a smile on his lips. Luke holds back the urge to kiss him at this very moment, knowing that Ashton still has more he needs to say. 

“I want to plan on going out for elaborate date nights that neither of us can afford and end up skipping our reservations and taking off the fancy clothes in favor of spending the rest of the night eating ice cream on the couch, happier with that than in a stuffy restaurant. I want to dance around the living room in our worn out sweatpants listening to vinyls and tripping over our feet because we’re both so incredibly uncoordinated. I want to decorate for the holidays with you, in an apartment that’s ours, for the two of us. I want to meet your parents, and have you come to meet mine. I want to say more, but I’m scared. But also, what do I have to lose?”

Luke draws in a breath. At this moment, he knows he’s in love with Ashton, but in the same way, he’s not ready to say it. He knows that love doesn't need a grand gesture, doesn’t need to be boisterous and extravagant. Instead, he knows that love is Ashton outlining their future, in less intense words, but still planning for what’s to come. 

“Where did that come from?” Luke asks softly, stepping off the stool and going to the coffee maker, starting it up without looking back at Ashton. He takes two mugs out of the cabinet, setting them down with the coffee. 

“I don’t know, I woke up this morning and saw you laying next to me and I was just overwhelmed. I know it’s too soon, I know we’ve only been dating for a little while but I can’t help it. Again, I’m not saying  _ it _ , but I’m pretty close. And I want to hope that you are too, that I’m not crossing a line here, but I wanted you to know this, because I know what it’s like to not say something until it’s too late. So maybe it’s a bit too early, but better early than never.” 

Luke doesn’t say anything, just pours out two cups of coffee, reaching into the cabinet to retrieve the fixings. Ashton knows that Luke’s love language is words of affirmation, something that he shared with Ashton early on in their relationship, wanting to get it out of the way before there was an inevitable miscommunication somewhere along the line. 

“It’s two sugars, right?” he asks, mixing in the spoonfuls before Ashton has a chance to answer. When he turns around, Ashton looks a bit awestruck, mixed with that same glisten from earlier. Luke knows now that the shine is love, even if they’re not at the place where they’re ready to say it yet. It’s enough to know that it’s there, right under the surface for when they’re actually ready to say it. 

Luke knows that Ashton’s love language is acts of service, that he feels truly loved when someone else is taking care of him after years of doing the same for other people. Luke’s been trying his hardest to show Ashton he cares with the things he does as they slowly inch towards the point of being able to express their feelings fully with words.

For now, Luke is content to show Ashton that he loves him in little ways, making his coffee perfectly without really having to ask, making his favorite dinner after a long day at work, cuddling up to him in bed when he’s sick and unwilling to get up. He’ll plug his phone into the charger when he falls asleep on the couch and bring him a hoodie when he’s working from home and didn’t bring his own along. Luke will make sure that he texts him good morning and good night when they’re not together and remind him to drink more water. 

They may not be ready to tell each other they’re in love, but until that day comes, Luke is happy to make Ashton feel his love, one action at a time. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Tumblr [lifewasradical](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com) 💜


End file.
